Fun with Schwetty Balls

The Schwetty Prayer


When you are playing from the cabbage, and

Every hole is a buzzard...

We offer this Schwetty Prayer

May our Schwetties rest easy 

     in the box,

Fly true finding deepage

     to land on the carpet.

May we kill the dog and

     avoid the chef while

Finding our way to the dance floor.

And finally, at the 19th hole

   May our Schwetties revel

Once again in adventure, just past.


Dirty Golf Slang


1.  After 18 holes, I can barely walk

2.  Adjust your grip

3.  My shaft is bent

4.  Choke down

5.  Do you want me to pull it

6.  It bends slightly to the left

7.  Get in the hole

8.  My shaft is too long

9.  How many strokes do you want

10. Look how big his putter is

11. Missed the hole

12. Do you have any balls left

13. Keep your head down

14. Use your hips

15. The box is yours, Mr Johnson

16. That's wet

17. Threesome

18. Around the lip

19. Spread your legs

20. Clean your balls 

Golf Terms


Snowman:  Shot 8 on a hole

Abominable Snowman:  Shot 9 on a hole

Deepage:  A very long drive

Afraid of The Dark:  A missed short putt

Amelia Earhart:  Your shot looks great but can't find the ball

Bo Derek:  10 on a hole

Cabbage / Jungle / Spinach:  The rough

Captain Kirk:  A ball went where no ball has gone before

Victory Lap:  The ball catches lip, spins, and falls into the hole

Cat box / Beach / Kitty Litter:  A Sand bunker

Dance Floor / Carpet:  The Green

Fizzo:  Freaking still out

Can:  The cup

Dribbler:  A shot that dribbles a few feet

Devito or Pesci:  A 5 foot putt